Went swimming this morning at OH Way TOO Early in the morning. Part of my recovery process — not only do I need to do more exercise, but swimming is the perfect thing for building up strength in my knee. It’s been almost five months since injuring my knee, a life changing event. And since then, I’ve made fantastic progress: walking, some hiking, some yoga, swimming, bicycling, and generally living with enthusiasm and passion. But the trust is gone.
I don’t trust my knee. It hurts going up and down stairs. Not bad and most of that is probably due to weaker muscles and disuse. But even that is getting better. A couple weeks ago, I had to make myself take the next step — a very slow process. I didn’t trust my legs and was scared of falling or hurting myself. Now I walk fairly normally up and down several times every day. It’s a little bit slow and I limp a little bit; but every week shows a bit of progress.
The next thing to conquer is downward facing dog. I’m scared to do it. It doesn’t hurt and I’ve successfully completed it a few times. But every time takes about 5 minutes. And most of that time is telling myself “you can do this, you can do this”. Probably I need to do this a hundred times and then the fear will be gone. Before the knee injury, I never even thought about it, the motion of moving from a crouched position to one with the butt in the air supported by the arm was easy and natural. I’ve lost the trust in myself and it’s taking a long to regain it. But just like I learned to walk again and learned to climb stairs again, this too is an obstacle that will be overcome.